Over the course of my life, I’ve come to realize that love isn’t something that just happens. It’s something you grow, nurture, and protect, as with any decent relationship. The best way I can describe it is to say that love is like a tree. One person waters it, providing nourishment, stability, and care. The other provides the light-warmth, energy, and encouragement. Together, they help the tree grow. And just like a tree, love requires time, patience, and a constant, shared commitment to weather the seasons and thrive.

-Early Experiences: Shaping My Understanding of Love

My journey toward understanding love began in my childhood. I was adopted at birth, and much of my early years were spent learning the meaning of family, love, and connection through my relationships with my adoptive family and my caretaker, Daisy. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, Daisy’s love and care left a lasting impression on me. She provided me with the warmth of unconditional love that became the foundation of how I experienced love in the future.

However, I also experienced a profound sense of loss when Daisy left my life, which felt like losing a mother. That emotional pain lingered, and I unknowingly carried it with me into adulthood, shaping how I approached relationships. From an early age, I began to associate love with potential loss and tragedy-a theme that played out in much of my life, leading me to fear expressing love fully.

Growing up, I also learned that family isn’t just about blood-it’s about the people you choose to have around you. This realization shaped many of my future decisions, from raising children to blending families to starting a horse rescue to care for abused animals. These experiences taught me that love and care extend beyond traditional definitions of family, though my understanding of romantic love remained complicated.

-The Roots of Love: Lessons from Failure

My first two marriages were difficult lessons in love and relationships. In my first marriage, I was young and naive, married to one of my high school sweethearts. We had two sons together, but our relationship was rocky from the start. Looking back, I realize that we didn’t respect each other as individuals. We were both immature, and neither of us had the tools or the understanding to build a strong, lasting relationship. There was infidelity on both sides, and without mutual trust or communication, the marriage dissolved. It felt like trying to build a tree in rocky soil-it simply wasn’t strong enough to take root.

This early experience in love taught me that love requires much more than passion. It needs a solid foundation of respect, trust, and communication. But at that point in my life, I didn’t fully understand those concepts. I was still learning, still trying to make sense of what love should be.

-The Second Marriage: A Hard Lesson

My second marriage was another chapter in my learning about love, but this time the lessons were even harder. I rushed into this relationship, perhaps trying to escape the emotional wreckage of my first marriage. I didn’t take the time to heal, reflect, or figure out what I truly needed in a partner. Instead, I jumped into a situation that was bound to cause more pain.

This marriage ended up causing lasting harm, not just to me but to my children as well. My second wife wasn’t someone who could commit to one person, and her need to be with more than one person was something I couldn’t accept. Ultimately we had very different moral and ethical guidelines for how people should be treated. While this originally manifested in our sex life, it quickly bled out to other areas like work and family. I tried everything I could to hold the marriage together for my children's sake, but eventually, the betrayal and instability became too much to bear. I couldn’t stand it anymore.

The relationship took a heavy toll on all of us. I wish I could have spared my children from the emotional pain she brought into our lives. Even now, I’m still working through the emotional scars left behind. That marriage nearly cost me everything-my peace of mind, my relationship with my children, and my ability to trust. The impact of that experience is something I’m still processing today.

But one thing I learned from this is that love requires equal effort from both partners. It’s not enough for one person to carry the weight while the other is distracted or uncommitted. Love is a partnership, and it demands full investment from both people. Without that mutual effort, love simply cannot survive.

During that time, I did form a close bond with my second wife’s young son, whom I considered my own until his untimely passing a few years ago. We also had a son and my one daughter together, and for that, I’m forever grateful. But the emotional turmoil of the marriage was damaging, and I wish I could have shielded them from the pain. Those relationships remain precious to me, but the experience taught me that love, no matter how deep, cannot flourish in a dysfunctional environment.

-A New Beginning: Meeting My Wife

By the time I met my third wife, I had learned enough about myself to know that I no longer needed a relationship to define me. I was prepared to be alone, and I had finally come to terms with the idea that love, for me, might not follow a traditional path. I was at peace with who I was, and I had accepted that life might lead me to walk my journey alone. But then, she entered my life and everything changed.

One of the most extraordinary gifts my wife has given me is her understanding of my past. She knows everything I went through in my first two marriages-the mistakes I made, the pain I endured, and the lessons I learned-and she has accepted all of it. Rather than judging me for my past, she embraced it. She understood that my experiences shaped me into the person I am today, and she loves me for it. This kind of empathy and understanding was something I had never experienced before.

For the longest time, I was afraid to express love fully. It always seemed to end tragically, leaving me feeling vulnerable and broken. But with her, I realized that love didn’t have to be something to fear. She showed me that love could be steady, secure, and healing. Her presence in my life has allowed me to express love without fear of the outcome.

Beyond understanding my past, she helped me process something even more profound-my emotions. Most of my life, I struggled with emotions that often led to pain and anger. I didn’t know how to process these complex feelings, so I would internalize them until they erupted in destructive ways. It was a cycle I couldn’t break on my own.

-Breaking Down Emotions Scientifically: A New Approach

With my wife’s guidance, I learned to approach my emotions differently. Instead of being overwhelmed by them, like a nuclear explosion obliterating everything in its path, I began to break them down scientifically. I used my analytical mind to deconstruct what I was feeling, piece by piece, and examine each part for what it truly was. By doing this, I could understand the underlying causes of my emotions and figure out what each part meant.

This method allowed me to process my emotions in a healthier way. Instead of reacting to pain with anger, I began to respond with understanding. I learned how to communicate my emotions better and express what I was truly feeling. This approach has transformed how I handle emotions in all areas of my life, and I owe much of that growth to my wife.

Her influence has been life-changing. Where I once saw emotions as overwhelming forces, I now see them as tools for personal growth. Instead of dreading emotional reactions, I now embrace them as opportunities to understand myself more deeply, although I still don't like feeling them sometimes.

-What I Love About My Wife

There are so many things I love about my wife, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have her by my side. Her warmth is one of the first things that drew me to her. She has a way of lighting up a room with her presence, her kindness, and her laughter. She makes others feel comfortable and loved in a way that is both natural and effortless. Whether we’re sharing a quiet evening at home or hosting a family gathering, she brings joy to even the simplest of moments.

Her strength is another quality I deeply admire. Life hasn’t always been easy, and we’ve faced challenges together, but no matter what comes our way, she stands firm. Her ability to remain positive and hopeful, even in difficult times, gives me strength when I need it most. She knows how to lift me up when I’m struggling and how to help me see the bright side in any situation.

Her intelligence, too, is something I deeply respect. Watching her pursue her second master’s degree has been inspiring, especially knowing that she isn’t doing it for career reasons but simply to advance herself. She may even apply for a doctoral program, not because she needs it, but because she values learning and personal growth. Her dedication to self-improvement is a constant reminder of her strength and determination. She pushes me to be a better person, and I am constantly in awe of her drive and ambition.

But more than anything, what I admire most is her understanding heart. She’s taken the time to learn about my past, my mistakes, and my emotional struggles, and instead of holding them against me, she has accepted them as part of who I am. Her empathy and understanding have allowed me to heal and grow in ways I never thought possible. It’s because of her that I’ve become the best version of myself so far, and I am grateful for the experience of true motherhood she has brought into my kids' lives.