Discovering the Things That Truly Matter (A Little Late in Life)

At 62, I'm finally learning some truths that, in hindsight, might have served me well much earlier. I've spent most of my life working from home, carving out an unconventional career that granted me the flexibility and independence I've always craved. The freedom to work on my own terms was the dream I chased, and in many ways, I caught it. I became successful, built a life that didn't depend on traditional work structures, and created a sense of autonomy that I cherish.

But the choices I made for myself have left ripples in my family. Now, as I reflect, I see that my children-though they grew up with a parent who was always home-may not have felt that they had my full presence. They've told me, sometimes painfully, that my work hours and constant focus left them feeling distant from me. My presence at home wasn't enough; they needed my attention, and I didn't always realize that.

In the past year, life has brought me face-to-face with some hard truths, causing me to reflect deeply on who I've been and the impact of my actions. I'm still working to find the right words and the right moments to apologize to each of my children individually. And although I still carry the rebellious spirit of an adventurous teenager, I'm beginning to understand that real growth means balancing freedom with responsibility to others. My journey now is about reconnecting with my family and learning to show up in ways I may not have before.

1. My Path to Independence (And the Price I Didn't Realize I Was Paying)

Resisting the Corporate Structure

Early in life, I knew that the traditional work path wasn't for me. I wanted independence. The idea of working a 9-to-5 job, answering to a boss, and spending my energy building someone else's success felt stifling. I wasn't willing to use my talents just to fit into a mold that didn't suit me. Instead, I carved out a path that allowed me to work on my own terms, pursue my interests, and control my time. This choice led to a fulfilling career that brought me pride and financial stability.

I spent years working from home, often deeply engrossed in projects that required long hours and intense focus. At the time, it seemed like the perfect setup-I could be home for my children and pursue my dreams at the same time. But I now see that this "freedom" was more complex than I thought. My independence came with unintended consequences, especially for my family, who may have needed something different from me. I chose this path for my own fulfillment, but I never stopped to consider what my children might have seen or felt about my choices.

What My Children Saw vs. What I Felt

From my perspective, working from home meant I was present for my family. I thought that proximity was enough to fulfill my role as a parent. But as my children have since expressed, physical presence didn't necessarily equate to emotional or mental presence. They saw me at my computer, constantly working, often late into the night. What I considered fulfilling and meaningful, they may have seen as neglect or disinterest in their lives.

I see now that my children's view of my work life differed greatly from mine. They didn't understand my need for independence, nor did they grasp the significance of what I was building. They saw a parent who was physically there but mentally and emotionally distant, and that reality has been difficult to confront.

2. The Impact of My Choices on My Children

Feeling Unseen and Overlooked

One of the hardest revelations I've had is hearing my children describe how they felt overlooked despite my presence at home. They've shared that, to them, it sometimes felt as though I valued my work more than I valued them. I thought being in the same house was enough, but I now realize that true presence requires more than just physical closeness. They needed my engagement, my undivided attention, and my willingness to be there in all ways that count.

A Strained Connection and Missed Moments

The long hours I spent working created a distance between us that I didn't fully understand at the time. Looking back, I see how often I missed opportunities to deepen our connection. Instead of setting aside time to truly engage with them, I would brush off conversations or push family time aside, assuming it could wait until my work was done. But the reality is that my work was never truly "done," and each missed moment contributed to a growing gap between us.

Unintended Lessons About Work and Priorities

Through my example, my children learned that work seemed to come before everything else. This was never my intention, but I see how they may have perceived it that way. I wanted them to see hard work, independence, and resilience, yet I may have unintentionally taught them that success and fulfillment require sacrificing personal relationships.

3. What I Wish I Had Done Differently

Creating Clear Boundaries Between Work and Family Time

If I could turn back the clock, one of the first things I would change is how I managed my work hours. The freedom to work from home was something I valued, but without clear boundaries, it easily seeped into every part of my life. I often worked late into the night, tackling projects or ideas that felt urgent at the time. Family time became something I would fit in when I could, rather than something I prioritized.

The Importance of Being Fully Present

Beyond just setting boundaries, I wish I had made a greater effort to be fully present during family time. Looking back, I realize that even when I was physically with my children, I often wasn't mentally there. My mind would wander back to work, to the next project, to the things I needed to get done. As a result, I missed out on truly engaging with them in a way that would have made them feel valued.

Communicating My Intentions and Goals

One of the things I regret most is not explaining the reasons behind my work and my choices. My children saw me working, but they didn't see the motivations that drove me. They didn't understand that my work was a way of providing for them, of building a stable future. Without that context, my dedication to work likely felt arbitrary, even selfish, and I can understand why it seemed like I was choosing my career over them.

4. Reconnecting with My Children: A Journey in Progress

Acknowledging Their Feelings, Step by Step

Over the past year, I've begun to have some difficult but necessary conversations with my children. I haven't reached out to all of them yet, but I'm taking it one step at a time. It's not easy to face their perspectives or to hear the pain that my choices may have caused them. But I'm committed to acknowledging their feelings, listening without defensiveness, and respecting the reality of their experiences.

Apologizing Without Excuses

When I do have these conversations, my goal is to apologize sincerely without making excuses for my choices. I want to show them that I take responsibility for the ways I may have fallen short as a parent. I'm explaining to them that while I believed I was doing my best, I now understand how my actions may have affected them. This process of apologizing has been humbling, but it's also a step toward healing and reconnection.

Building a New Foundation of Trust

These conversations aren't just about addressing the past; they're about building a new foundation for our future. I want to be a part of their lives in a way that feels genuine and supportive. While I can't change the years I missed, I'm committed to being there for them now, to showing up with honesty, love, and a willingness to grow.

5. Moving Forward with a Heart Open to Change

Setting New Priorities

This journey has taught me that growth is a lifelong process, and it's never too late to make meaningful changes. I'm learning to set new priorities, to balance my work with my family, and to show my children that they matter deeply to me.

Learning to Show Up

As I reflect on my life and the lessons I'm learning at 62, I'm filled with both regret and hope. Regret for the moments I missed, for the times I chose work over family, and for the gaps I left in my children's lives. But I'm also hopeful because I'm finally learning to show up, to be present, and to honor the relationships that matter most.

This journey has been humbling, but it's also been transformative. I hope that my story encourages others to reflect on their own choices, to find balance, and to remember that true success isn't just about freedom or independence; it's about the connections we build and the people we love.