The Tree of Love

As I look back over the years, my relationships have unfolded much like a tree growing from a sapling to a deep-rooted, resilient oak. My journey through love and marriage wasn't a straight path, nor was it easy. I've been through heartbreak, mistakes, and realizations. It took three marriages for me to understand what it means to truly nourish a relationship. I discovered that love, like a tree, needs both sunlight and water—each person providing something essential for the other. One partner offers warmth and optimism, like sunlight filtering through leaves, while the other gives consistency and care, grounding the relationship with the same nourishment that water gives to roots. Together, this balance allows love to grow strong and resilient.

This metaphor, however simple, represents hard-earned wisdom. I've come to see that a strong, lasting relationship is not built on a single force. Just as trees can't thrive in endless sunlight without water, nor can they grow with only rain and no light, love needs complementary qualities to reach its full potential. In my first two marriages, I didn't understand this balance. I thought love was something we could force to work by simply "showing up." I believed that my own feelings or effort alone would keep things alive. I was wrong. Without balance and genuine compatibility, the relationship slowly deteriorates, no matter how well-intentioned either partner is.

In my third marriage, I finally found what it means to be in a balanced partnership. We each bring something unique to the table, yet we both respect and recognize each other's roles. Our love feels resilient because it has been built not only on passion but on trust, respect, and the willingness to support each other's strengths and weaknesses. This piece will explore the lessons I've learned on this journey—the difference between relationships that are nourished and those that struggle, and how I finally found a partner with whom I can grow a love that is both deep and enduring.

The Early Marriages - Lessons in Inexperience and Mismatched Expectations

Youthful Love and Naivety

When I married for the first time, I was full of the energy and optimism of youth. Like most people in their late teens, I had a vision of marriage that was rooted in romance, passion, and excitement. I believed love was supposed to feel overwhelming and consuming, that if it was strong enough, it would naturally sustain itself. My first wife and I had met when we were young, and I thought that connection alone would be enough to overcome any challenge. Our connection was strong, no doubt, but the foundation we were building on was shaky from the start.

Back then, I hadn't yet learned that love requires not only passion but also a shared purpose and vision. In our youth, we were drawn together by the excitement of life, but we hadn't truly thought about how we'd grow together. The "sunlight" in our relationship—moments of laughter, companionship, and shared dreams—was plentiful, but we didn't know how to provide the "water." We lacked the patience, the depth of communication, and the practical skills needed to support each other through the inevitable ups and downs of life.

The Reality Check: Learning Through Struggles

As the years went by, our youthful optimism faced the challenges of real life: job pressures, personal insecurities, and the stresses of day-to-day living. We began to drift apart, each assuming that the other should be able to provide what we needed without us having to explain it. We struggled to understand each other's needs. I thought I was doing everything I could, but I often found myself frustrated by her expectations, feeling like my efforts went unnoticed. She, in turn, probably felt that I didn't appreciate or understand her. Our lack of balance became painfully clear.

One of the most challenging aspects of that marriage was our communication. I realize now that both of us lacked the ability to truly listen. We would talk, argue, and even apologize, but the underlying issues remained. I believed that love meant trying to "fix" things, while she wanted to feel genuinely seen and understood. This disconnect led to resentment on both sides, as we each tried to push through without really addressing the root of our problems.

This marriage ended not in a dramatic breakup but in a slow, quiet drifting apart. By the time we parted ways, we were both exhausted, our love a shadow of what it once was. I left that marriage with a sense of failure and confusion, wondering why, despite my efforts, things hadn't worked out. I didn't realize at the time that love needs more than just effort; it needs balance, understanding, and a willingness to meet each other halfway.

The Second Attempt – A Search for Stability and Self-Discovery

Rushing In for a Fresh Start

After my first marriage ended, I found myself jumping quickly into another relationship. I was determined to leave behind the pain and disappointment, hoping that a fresh start would bring me the fulfillment I was seeking. But looking back, I can see that I rushed into my second marriage for the wrong reasons. Instead of taking the time to understand what had gone wrong and what I needed in a partner, I was focused on moving forward, hoping to escape the feeling of failure.

In my second marriage, I thought I was doing things differently. I had learned a few lessons from my first marriage, and I believed I was wiser and more prepared. But in my eagerness, I overlooked some warning signs that we weren't genuinely compatible. My second wife and I had different ideas about loyalty, trust, and boundaries. Where I sought stability and commitment, she valued freedom and independence. While I poured myself into the relationship, hoping to provide a steady foundation, to put it nicely, she found it difficult to stay within those confines. We were out of sync from the start, each trying to fit into a mold that didn't suit us.

Mistaking Effort for Compatibility

In this marriage, I learned that effort alone cannot replace compatibility. I thought that if I worked hard enough, I could make up for our differences. I believed that I could provide enough stability for both of us, that my dedication could fill the gaps. But over time, the lack of alignment became impossible to ignore. We were pulling in different directions, and my constant effort began to feel like a burden rather than a source of fulfillment.

Our marriage was marked by cycles of highs and lows—moments when we felt close, followed by stretches of distance and misunderstanding. I remember countless conversations where we'd try to "fix" things, only to end up in the same place. I was pouring water into a relationship that wasn't absorbing it, trying to sustain something that didn't have the roots to hold it. Each time we tried to reconnect, the underlying issues remained, and our foundation weakened further.

When that marriage eventually ended, I felt a sense of relief but also a profound anger and lingering mistrust. I had tried so hard to make things work, and yet it wasn't enough. It was during this time that I began to understand that love isn't just about effort; it's about finding someone who aligns with your values, who complements your strengths and accepts your weaknesses. It was a painful lesson, but one that would prepare me for the relationship that was yet to come.

Finding Balance in My Third Marriage

A New Beginning with Real Understanding

When I met my third wife, I was in a different place emotionally. I had been through two marriages, each of which had taught me valuable lessons about love, compatibility, and balance. I no longer saw love as a force that could conquer everything; I understood it as a partnership, one that required both people to bring their own light and care to the relationship. I was cautious but hopeful, ready to approach love with a new perspective.

Our connection felt different from the start. We didn't rush into anything; instead, we took the time to get to know each other, to understand each other's values and aspirations. She wasn't looking for someone to complete her, and neither was I. Instead, we both wanted a partner with whom we could grow and build a life together. This time, I recognized the importance of balance—of each of us bringing our own strengths to the relationship while respecting each other's individuality.

In this marriage, I found someone who wasn't just a partner but a true complement. She brought a warmth and optimism that felt like sunlight, brightening even the most challenging days. In turn, I provided the stability and consistency, like water grounding our relationship. Together, we found a rhythm, a balance that allowed us both to thrive. This marriage taught me that love isn't about one person doing all the work; it's about two people coming together to support, uplift, and nourish each other.

Sunlight – The Joy of Companionship

In our relationship, "sunlight" represents the joy and warmth we share. From the beginning, she brought a lightness that I hadn't experienced before. Her laughter, her kindness, and her ability to find beauty in the everyday transformed my outlook. Unlike in my past relationships, where challenges often felt heavy and insurmountable, she helped me see that life could be lighter, that there's always a reason to smile.

Her optimism didn't just brighten my days; it reminded me of the importance of gratitude and presence. With her, I learned to appreciate the small moments—sitting together with a morning coffee, sharing a story from the day, or simply enjoying each other's company without expectations. This joy became a pillar of our relationship, providing a balance to the steadiness that I brought.

In past relationships, I often felt responsible for "fixing" things, for holding everything together. But with her, I learned that companionship is about sharing, not burdening. Her light brought joy and hope to our life together, teaching me that love isn't just about surviving challenges but about thriving in each other's presence.

Water – The Nurturing and Care Love Requires

In our relationship, if my wife is the sunlight, then I strive to be the water—the consistent, grounding presence that nourishes us through times both easy and difficult. In my earlier marriages, I thought effort alone could sustain a relationship, but I hadn't yet learned how to truly nurture love. I believed that simply "being there" was enough. Through hard experience, I came to see that care in a relationship requires something deeper than just showing up; it requires a steady commitment, a willingness to listen, and a readiness to adapt to each other's needs.

The Importance of Presence and Patience

In my third, current marriage, I discovered that nurturing love means being present—not just physically but emotionally and mentally. When my wife shares something important, I've learned to really listen, to set aside distractions and focus fully on her. It's a small act, but it holds tremendous weight in creating a connection that feels supportive and genuine. Being present also means being patient, allowing her the space to express herself without rushing to "fix" things. I've come to realize that sometimes, nurturing a relationship isn't about solving problems immediately but about simply being there as a calm, steady presence.

There have been some moments in our relationship where we've faced challenges, both personal and shared. Whether it was dealing with family issues, health concerns, or even the regular ups and downs of life, I've tried to bring patience and consistency to these situations. Unlike in my past relationships, where I sometimes felt compelled to react impulsively or take control, I now recognize that sometimes the best way to support my partner is to stay grounded, to be the steady force she can rely on.

Showing Care in Everyday Moments

Over time, I've come to see that nurturing a relationship isn't just about grand gestures; it's about the small, everyday acts of care that build a foundation of trust and support. Simple things like making her coffee in the morning, asking about her day, or doing something thoughtful without expecting anything in return—these acts are the water that nourishes our connection.

In previous marriages, I sometimes felt that these small acts went unnoticed or unappreciated, and it created a sense of resentment. But now, I approach these moments not as tasks but as opportunities to show love in subtle, meaningful ways. Every small act of care reinforces the message that I'm here, that I value her, and that I'm invested in our relationship. In a way, these little gestures have become a language of love, a quiet but powerful way of keeping our bond strong.

The Roots of Trust, Understanding, and Respect

If love is the tree and sunlight and water are what sustain it, then trust, understanding, and respect are the roots that anchor it deeply. In my third marriage, I finally found what it means to build a relationship with a strong foundation. Unlike in my earlier marriages, where misunderstandings and insecurities eroded our connection over time, my current relationship is grounded in these essential elements. They give us stability, allowing us to weather life's inevitable storms.

Trust: A Foundation Built Over Time

Trust had been a hard lesson for me. In my first two marriages, trust was often shaky, eroded by misunderstandings, unmet needs, and, in some cases, painful experiences. When I entered my third marriage, I knew that trust couldn't be forced or demanded; it had to be earned gradually through consistent actions. My wife and I didn't try to rush trust. Instead, we allowed it to grow naturally, with each small gesture reinforcing our faith in each other.

In my earlier relationships, trust felt fragile, almost conditional. It was something we both tried to "hold onto" rather than something we built together. But with her, trust became a quiet, unspoken assurance. It was present in the way she respected my boundaries and in the way I learned to open up to her without fear of judgment. This foundation of trust has become a safe space where both of us can be vulnerable, knowing that we are accepted as we are.

Understanding: Listening and Empathy as the Core of Connection

Understanding has been another crucial element in our marriage, and it's one that I hadn't fully appreciated before. In my previous relationships, communication often felt strained. We'd talk but seldom reach a place of genuine understanding. With my third wife, I learned that true understanding isn't about solving every issue or even agreeing on everything; it's about listening deeply, empathizing, and giving each other the benefit of the doubt.

She listens differently than anyone I've ever known. She doesn't just hear my words but seeks to understand the meaning behind them. When I'm struggling to articulate something complex or difficult, she gives me space to find the words, rather than pressuring me for immediate answers. This kind of understanding creates an atmosphere of safety, where we can both share openly without fear of being misunderstood or judged.

Over time, I've learned to reciprocate this understanding. In the past, I sometimes approached communication as a problem to be solved. Now, I see it as an opportunity to connect, to show empathy, and to truly be present for my partner. We don't always see eye to eye, but we listen to each other, and that mutual respect fosters a deeper connection that goes beyond words.

Respect: Valuing Each Other's Individuality

Respect is perhaps the most underrated yet essential root in any relationship. In my earlier marriages, respect sometimes got lost amid assumptions, quick judgments, and unresolved resentment. I didn't fully appreciate the importance of seeing and valuing my partner's individuality. In my third marriage, I found someone who respects me for who I am and encourages me to be my authentic self. In turn, I respect her ambitions, her quirks, and her need for personal growth.

She is someone who constantly strives for self-improvement. Her pursuit of education, her dedication to her goals, and her desire to grow as a person are qualities I deeply admire. In previous relationships, I might have felt insecure or intimidated by any such ambition, but now, I see it as something to celebrate. We've learned to support each other's growth, respecting each other's individuality and allowing space for each of us to pursue our dreams.

This respect creates a foundation where we can both thrive without feeling confined or constrained. It allows us to come together as partners, not out of obligation but out of genuine choice and mutual admiration. Respect means giving each other the freedom to be ourselves, knowing that our individuality only strengthens our relationship.

Weathering Seasons Together

In every relationship, there are seasons—times of growth, moments of challenge, and periods of renewal. My third marriage has taught me that love isn't a constant state; it's a living, evolving thing that changes over time. Just like a tree goes through cycles, so too does a relationship. Together, we have learned to adapt to each season, finding strength in each other as we navigate the highs and lows.

Spring: Times of Growth and Renewal

The early days of our marriage felt like spring—a season of discovery and excitement. We were learning about each other, building trust, and creating shared memories. This period was filled with hope and possibility, as we laid the foundation for our life together. In those moments, our love felt vibrant and alive, much like the new buds of spring.

During this time, we took the opportunity to explore each other's interests and passions. We traveled, shared stories from our pasts, and dreamed about our future together. This season of growth allowed us to build a foundation of shared experiences, giving us a strong base to rely on in times of difficulty.

Summer: The Warmth of Stability

As we settled into our marriage, we entered a season of stability. This was our summer—a time when we felt confident and secure in our love. In this period, we enjoyed the warmth of companionship, the ease that comes with truly knowing and trusting each other. We didn't need grand gestures or dramatic displays of affection; our love was steady and fulfilling, like the quiet strength of a tree in full bloom.

This phase of our relationship was marked by a deep appreciation for each other's presence. We enjoyed the simple, everyday moments—cooking meals together, talking late into the night, or simply sitting in comfortable silence. Our love felt effortless, a natural part of our lives that brought joy and fulfillment.

Autumn – Times of Change and Reflection

Every relationship undergoes change, and in a long-term partnership, you inevitably face moments that test your bond. In my third marriage, we've experienced these seasons of change as part of a natural cycle, much like autumn—a time when trees shed their leaves, preparing for the winter ahead. This season in our relationship has brought opportunities for introspection and growth, helping us adapt to each other in new ways.

Embracing Change as Growth

In past relationships, change often felt like a threat, a force that pulled us apart. I didn't know how to adapt, and I sometimes resisted changes out of fear or pride. But in this marriage, I've learned to see change as an opportunity for growth rather than something to resist. Together, we've embraced new phases in life with open minds, understanding that change is inevitable and often necessary.

There were times when circumstances forced us to adapt. For instance, career transitions or personal pursuits required us to redefine how we spent our time together. Rather than seeing these changes as a disruption, we approached them as a chance to support each other's individual growth. She encouraged me to pursue my passions, and I supported her in her pursuits, knowing that each step forward strengthened our foundation. Unlike before, where change sometimes led to distance, we found that embracing each other's growth only deepened our connection.

Letting Go of Old Expectations

In autumn, trees shed their leaves, letting go of what they no longer need to make room for new growth. Similarly, in our marriage, we've learned to let go of outdated expectations. Early in our relationship, we each held certain ideas about what our marriage "should" look like. Over time, we realized that clinging to rigid expectations limited our ability to appreciate each other's unique qualities.

One key area where we let go was the idea of who each of us "should" be in the relationship. In my first marriage, I tried to fit a particular role, believing that my worth depended on fulfilling a specific image of a husband. But in my third marriage, I've learned that our partnership is stronger when we embrace who we are instead of who we think we should be. She has shown me the importance of authenticity, of being true to myself without fear of judgment. In turn, I've encouraged her to express herself fully, knowing that our love grows when we support each other's individuality.

Letting go has allowed us to evolve together rather than drift apart. This acceptance has created a safe space in our relationship, where we can explore new parts of ourselves without fear. In this season of change, we've found a rhythm that adapts to each new phase, giving our relationship the flexibility and strength to thrive.

Winter – Enduring Hardship with Resilience

Every relationship faces hardship, times when the weight of life feels heavy and the days feel long and cold. In marriage, these winters test the depth and resilience of love. For my wife and me, these challenging seasons have been the true measure of our bond. They've shown us what it means to support each other through difficult times, to hold steady when things feel uncertain, and to find warmth in each other's presence.

Facing Hardship Together

In previous relationships, hardship often became a dividing force, something that highlighted our differences rather than our unity. But in my third marriage, we've faced these times as a team. Whether it's been health concerns, family issues, or personal struggles, we've made a commitment to stand by each other, knowing that these winters are temporary and that together, we can weather any storm.

One particularly challenging period involved a health scare that brought fear and uncertainty into our lives. During those days, I felt the weight of worry settle in, a familiar feeling I'd experienced before. But unlike in the past, where I might have retreated or tried to handle things alone, I found comfort in opening up to my wife. She listened, offered support, and reminded me that we were in this together. Her strength and presence helped me realize that I didn't have to bear everything on my own. It was a reminder of the power of partnership, of how sharing the burden can make even the heaviest load feel lighter.

Finding Warmth in Each Other

In the coldest seasons, the warmth of companionship becomes invaluable. During these times, small gestures of care have taken on even greater meaning. We've learned that love isn't always about grand declarations; it's about showing up for each other in the quiet moments, offering a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on. In past relationships, I sometimes overlooked these small acts, assuming that love required constant excitement. But in this marriage, I've discovered that true warmth often lies in the simplest things.

During one of our most challenging winters, when a family issue brought unexpected stress and uncertainty, we leaned into the small routines that kept us connected. We'd make tea together in the evening, sit quietly, and talk about our day. These small moments became a source of comfort and stability, a reminder that even in difficult times, we had each other. It's these acts of care and presence that have carried us through the hardest days, showing us that love is as much about resilience as it is about joy.

Strengthening Through Adversity

The winters we've faced together have strengthened our bond, teaching us the value of resilience and perseverance. In previous marriages, hardship sometimes led to resentment or blame, with each of us feeling the weight of unmet expectations. But in my third marriage, we approach challenges with a sense of shared responsibility. We don't blame each other for life's difficulties; instead, we support each other, understanding that adversity is a natural part of any journey.

Through these trials, we've built a foundation of trust and mutual respect that deepens with each challenge. We've learned to rely on each other in ways that go beyond words, finding strength in simply being present for one another. This resilience has given us confidence, a quiet assurance that no matter what life throws our way, we can face it together.

Lessons from Three Marriages

Reflecting on my journey through three marriages, I see how each relationship has shaped my understanding of love, companionship, and resilience. My first marriage taught me the importance of balance, that passion alone isn't enough to sustain a partnership. My second marriage showed me that effort without compatibility can only take you so far. And in my third marriage, I've discovered the true meaning of love—a balanced, nurturing partnership that grows deeper with each passing year.

The Evolution of Love

In my younger years, I saw love as a force that could conquer all, something intense and all-consuming. But over time, I realized that love is as much about peace as it is about passion. It's about creating a life together that feels fulfilling and supportive, where both partners feel valued and understood. This evolution has allowed me to approach love with a sense of patience and gratitude, appreciating each moment rather than chasing an idealized version of what love "should" be.

The Power of Balance

Through my experiences, I've come to understand that love requires balance—between light and dark, joy and struggle, individuality and partnership. Each person must bring something unique to the relationship, complementing each other's strengths and supporting each other's growth. My third marriage has shown me that love is strongest when both partners bring their own light and care, creating a dynamic that feels whole and complete.

Gratitude for the Journey

Looking back, I am grateful for each chapter of my life, for the lessons learned and the growth achieved. Each marriage has been a stepping stone, guiding me toward a deeper understanding of what it means to love and be loved. My third marriage, in particular, has given me a sense of fulfillment and peace that I never thought possible. I feel fortunate to have found a partner who embodies both sunlight and water, who complements my own strengths and helps me become the best version of myself.

The Tree of Love

Love, like a tree, is a living, evolving entity. It requires care, patience, and a willingness to adapt to each season. In my third marriage, I've found a partner with whom I can cultivate this love, nurturing it through every season of life. Together, we've created something that feels grounded, resilient, and enduring—a relationship that stands tall and strong, rooted in trust, understanding, and respect.

As I reflect on this journey, I am filled with gratitude for the love we've built. It's a love that has weathered change, embraced growth, and stood firm through adversity. This marriage has shown me that true love isn't about perfection; it's about finding someone who brings out the best in you, who stands by you in every season, and who helps you grow into the person you were meant to be.

In the end, love is a journey—a lifelong commitment to nurturing, supporting, and celebrating each other. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.